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Friday, August 30, 2013

REVISITING PERCEPTIONS

FIRST COPY:

                 Upright reflection


                       Mirroring velocities

               Companions

                                                                                                Above  
                  ……………………………………………………………………….and

                                                                                                        Below

                                                                        On tiled floors
               
                                                            Precise formations
                               

                            Moving aberration


REVISED:

             Upright reflections

                    Gliding to mirror velocities

                           Of actions in tandem

Rhyming lub-dub-lub – dub


                            In precise formations

      Of moving aberrations


              Casting bigamous silhouettes

I have used both these pieces for different prompts. In fact the words in the revised draft are borrowed from another piece written for Form for all: Meter and the pic was in the same spirit as this one - reflections on the floor. I am smitten by the concept of this picture! Open to suggestions. 

For dVerse where Victoria C.Slotto wants us to revise an earlier piece at:

dVerse Meeting the Bar: “Give It to Me One More Time, (Do It Over Again)”

6 comments:

  1. Very cool how this mirrors the image. Your revision is even more precise.

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  2. I like the changes you made. I think your revisions work better visually too.

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  3. i think they are both cool...the second one def makes me think a bit more and i like how you play off the reflections....

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  4. cool take on the pic and cool edits as well - ha i like the Rhyming lub-dub-lub – dub..smiles

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  5. Glorious puns and connections. Aphorisms included.
    Love both the rewrite and the original but was glad to see the mirror-gerund gone. Too strangling to the tongue :-)

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  6. So similar but I like the lub-dub much better than the -----

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