I glide on
toes of thrusting force
On hands
desiring, stretch inhale
To feel the
laden whisper beat
To rhyming-
lub-dub lub-dub songs
Seeking
crystal clear, a company-
Mirror reflects
thoughts in tandem
Seeping through
horizon’s frames
And cast bigamous
silhouetted existences.
Now presenting the
above in (what I think to be) an iambic tetrameter. The last line tapers into a
dactylic trimester. Not sure, if such combos are allowed.
I glide /on toes/ of thrust/ing force
On hands/ desir/ing, stretch/inhale
To feel/ the la/den whis/per beat
To rhym/ing- lub/-dub lub/-dub songs
Seeking/ crystal/ clear, a /company-
Mirror/ reflects/ thoughts in/tandem
Seeping/ through ho/rizon’s/ frames /
And cast biga/mous silhouetted/existences.
I think this fits into an iambic
tetrameter. The last line tapers into a dactylic trimester.
Shared with : IGRT and dVerse.
its perfect!!
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, Akila, it is a challenge, and you've met the challenge "on toes of thrusting force, on hands desiring" ...beautiful.
ReplyDeleteK
What a challenge to work in the form ~ I like these upbeat verses:
ReplyDeleteTo feel the laden whisper beat
To rhyming- lub-dub lub-dub songs
The first few lines of your second stanza are in trochaic meter, since the first syllable is stressed rather than the second, as you had in the first stanza.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your reflective thoughts in this poem.
Happy and nice to read... the first stanza is perfect tetrameter... in the second you go trochaic exactly as Kerry points out. Nevertheless a nice piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteit is challenging to do...i can hear the dance in your words though...great playing off dance/ballet as well...my wife was a ballerina for years and i def feel that rhythm in watching them dance...
ReplyDeleteI smiled at the lub-dub songs because that's the way my mind works when I attempt these forms, hee hee. I enjoyed this, Akila.
ReplyDeleteenjoyed the 'lub-dub lub-dub songs' line - I tend to get hives when I try to force meter - you've penned this well, Akila ~ M
ReplyDeleteNice work, some beautiful lines here! In the last stanza, the move to trochees heightens the feeling of "thrusting force." Great work!
ReplyDeleteWow...you're ambitious...kudos to you. I've always had issue with what you're featuring here on measures...
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your poem especially the opening..so much motion!
Thank you for writing, Akila!
lub-dub lub-dub songs - love it! And always fascinating by your choice of words. Nice work on 2 prompts!
ReplyDeleteSo beautifully and poetically expressed!!
ReplyDeleteAlmost - but not quite: in company pa-ny is another iamb, the dictionary puts the heavy stress on MIR in mirror and on FLECTS in reflects making MIR | ror re flects | an anapest, as I read it, with an initial syllable stress - though I suppose one could say a trochee abutted with an iamb in those two words. I would call And cast as an iamb, followed by two anapests in bigamous and silhouette with |ed ex is| an anapest ending with |ten ces| as an iamb. Otherwise I think you parsed it correctly. Great poem - stunning uses of language in imagining an apocalypse. Well done!
ReplyDeleteTo feel the laden whisper beat
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line above. An ambitious attempt AND I like to think "form" is meant to be a guide - and deviation is encouraged :)
I really enjoyed this! Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThe first verse is perfect iambic tetrameter, as others have also said. I agree with Beachanny's scansion of the second. The change in rhythm between verses creates an interesting contrast of mood, the first more emotional, the second more thoughtful - which I think suits what you say in each.
ReplyDeleteBravo on your form! I'm jealous ;D
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your take on the prompt~
To me it flowed perfectly, swaying with the image...I won't touch the meter format for now, but going by what most have said seems like you have cracked it more or less. Well done.
ReplyDelete