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Friday, August 9, 2013

REFLECTIONS





I glide on toes of thrusting force

On hands desiring, stretch inhale

To feel the laden whisper beat

To rhyming- lub-dub lub-dub songs

 

Seeking crystal clear, a company-

Mirror reflects thoughts in tandem

Seeping through horizon’s frames

And cast bigamous silhouetted existences.   

 

Now presenting the above in (what I think to be) an iambic tetrameter. The last line tapers into a dactylic trimester. Not sure, if such combos are allowed.


I glide /on toes/ of thrust/ing force

On hands/ desir/ing, stretch/inhale

To feel/ the la/den whis/per beat

To rhym/ing- lub/-dub lub/-dub songs

 

Seeking/ crystal/ clear, a /company-

Mirror/ reflects/ thoughts in/tandem

Seeping/ through ho/rizon’s/ frames /

And cast biga/mous silhouetted/existences.   

 

I think this fits into an iambic tetrameter. The last line tapers into a dactylic trimester.

 Its a challenge keeping the flow of thoughts confined to a meter.

Shared with : IGRT and dVerse.


18 comments:

  1. You are so right, Akila, it is a challenge, and you've met the challenge "on toes of thrusting force, on hands desiring" ...beautiful.
    K

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  2. What a challenge to work in the form ~ I like these upbeat verses:

    To feel the laden whisper beat

    To rhyming- lub-dub lub-dub songs

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  3. The first few lines of your second stanza are in trochaic meter, since the first syllable is stressed rather than the second, as you had in the first stanza.

    I really enjoyed your reflective thoughts in this poem.

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  4. Happy and nice to read... the first stanza is perfect tetrameter... in the second you go trochaic exactly as Kerry points out. Nevertheless a nice piece of writing.

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  5. it is challenging to do...i can hear the dance in your words though...great playing off dance/ballet as well...my wife was a ballerina for years and i def feel that rhythm in watching them dance...

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  6. I smiled at the lub-dub songs because that's the way my mind works when I attempt these forms, hee hee. I enjoyed this, Akila.

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  7. enjoyed the 'lub-dub lub-dub songs' line - I tend to get hives when I try to force meter - you've penned this well, Akila ~ M

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  8. Nice work, some beautiful lines here! In the last stanza, the move to trochees heightens the feeling of "thrusting force." Great work!

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  9. Wow...you're ambitious...kudos to you. I've always had issue with what you're featuring here on measures...

    I enjoy your poem especially the opening..so much motion!

    Thank you for writing, Akila!

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  10. lub-dub lub-dub songs - love it! And always fascinating by your choice of words. Nice work on 2 prompts!

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  11. So beautifully and poetically expressed!!

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  12. Almost - but not quite: in company pa-ny is another iamb, the dictionary puts the heavy stress on MIR in mirror and on FLECTS in reflects making MIR | ror re flects | an anapest, as I read it, with an initial syllable stress - though I suppose one could say a trochee abutted with an iamb in those two words. I would call And cast as an iamb, followed by two anapests in bigamous and silhouette with |ed ex is| an anapest ending with |ten ces| as an iamb. Otherwise I think you parsed it correctly. Great poem - stunning uses of language in imagining an apocalypse. Well done!

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  13. To feel the laden whisper beat

    My favorite line above. An ambitious attempt AND I like to think "form" is meant to be a guide - and deviation is encouraged :)

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  14. The first verse is perfect iambic tetrameter, as others have also said. I agree with Beachanny's scansion of the second. The change in rhythm between verses creates an interesting contrast of mood, the first more emotional, the second more thoughtful - which I think suits what you say in each.

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  15. Bravo on your form! I'm jealous ;D
    I enjoyed your take on the prompt~

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  16. To me it flowed perfectly, swaying with the image...I won't touch the meter format for now, but going by what most have said seems like you have cracked it more or less. Well done.

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