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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

DOTTY AND ME - of double chin and things like that


Daughter:

Rambling simple pains and pleasures
From a blissful world of dreams
She wakes up, sprightly
To living bliss in
Discovering sparrows
And scaring ants

Me:

I toss and turn
Peeling away, one by one
Preserved accumulations
In the folds of my overt protrusions
Shed on the treadmill and gathered again
Along with forty winks and eye bags




Verse First ~ Difficulty – Kim wants us to keep our piece accessible. I hope mine is!

20 comments:

  1. #1 Oh there is such joy in childhood, isn't there? Everything for a child is something new and wonderful!

    #2 Here I read of a sleepless night. Most unpleasant. Something very few children seem to experience!

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  2. simple, yet a truly cool style - very original

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  3. discovered sparrows & ants...ha...i love it...there is an innocence in it too..ha i got eye bags today...did not sleep well last night...

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  4. Enjoyed humor, feel your tenderness to daughter... nice poem :)

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  5. innocence & experience :D............loved the lines.

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  6. Lovely words...
    Loved the take on the prompt!

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  7. An instructive and powerful contrast, almost hour-glass like how one becomes the other, and both live in one poem. Unless we have several layers of external protection, it is the mother's care that allows the child's days of wonder. Perhaps, in this sense, we are each this poem.

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  8. awwie...words flow so well, akila. Lovely one!

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  9. Akila,

    A superb means of introducing yourself and your daughter. Details within those precise lines...

    Eileen

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  10. Everything is crystal clear and it depicts the innocence of a child and a mother;s love:)

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  11. ...love love love your combo here Akila... if only you could be in time & youth of your daughter how fun it would have been not to weigh anything else but to laugh laugh & be curious... work & commitments make us all older faster only if we let it be... smiles... i enjoyed this a lot... thanks... smiles...

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  12. What a great contrast you have here love it.

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  13. Great contrast in these two stanzas and perspectives. Made me smile.

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  14. I too enjoyed your style with the two perspectives on this one. A really fun read...maybe she (and mama) could get a nap!

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  15. Oh I can relate I have a 5 year old and she is just bounding with energy and while I wake easily physically the old brain takes a while if she wakes up at all lol

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  16. I love these...and, man! Can I relate!

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  17. I love how you wrote both in contrast. Oh yes, the innocence and joy of being a child. Lovely.
    Dropping by from the Verse First linkup.

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Brickbats and bouquets, both are welcome!