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Friday, May 10, 2013

SHOWER


Drops of water raining on my body

Dilute the acid from my pate, within

Of matters governing my life shoddy


I bow down, letting them down by my chin

Feeling the drops trickle in slow motions

Banishing to drain, flows away my sin


My hands rest on the wall beg for potions

A swig would shake the elements of soul

Shed frills that trampled on all emotions


My chest pounds, conscience burnt, charred black coal

Heart doused in false layers rhythms in shame

Legs shiver, reasons to stand cajole, fail


If the wheel would spin to get back my name

I would lay down my life for a fair game.

Shared with: Form for All ~ Terza Rima and the Terza Rima Sonnet where Tony Maud introduced this new form to play with.

I am not sure if I have got the iambic pentameter correct. Hopefully, the syllables are in place.


14 comments:

  1. THE SOULS IS PURE AND THAT IS WHY IT HITS ITS CONSCIENCE.


    NICE MAGIC OF TERZA RIMA

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  2. Kudos for even attempting this in English, Akila. Your rhymes are lovely - I especially like the slant rhyme of soul/coal/fail :-)

    As to the pentameter - it is rare these days to find a perfect, new, iambic pentameter poem. Your lines read rhythmically, which is really the point.

    Thanks for joining in at dVerse.

    Tony Maude

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  3. nic.e..agree with tony...i am a fan of creative rhyme...so it jumps out...you close really well on this verse two...i like the couplet you end on...

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  4. I like the rhyming pattern Akila, good work on the form ~

    I also like the cleansing and draining of sin and shame ~ There is hope in the end ~

    Wishing you happy weekend ~

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  5. This poem is very good Akila. I especially like the final couplet, which really makes me think about that 'wheel.' I think we would all like to give it a spin!

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  6. It's amazing how water can transform us - revive us.

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  7. I like the idea of washing your soul clean, something about a shower it always helps... strong creative approach to the prompt! Well done!

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  8. Really nice sonnet, Akila; I love your active sense of nature's amazing workings ;)

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  9. ...Akila, you had me with your rhyme selections... very smooth to read in each line & something i would love to read again & again... what a lovely attempt at Terza Rima... kudos! smiles...

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  10. i like how you take the physical to something much deeper here...and really well done on the rhymes as well

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  11. A nugget of perfection in our sea of tries.
    Well done you.
    And all that around the water of life.

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  12. I like the rhyming, a cool write.

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  13. Well done from me too! Water, rain does appear to have a cleansing quality...

    Anna :o]

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  14. re-read...and the shower is def my escape a bit...and where i do most of my thinking...ha...its nice to let the water take away the cares a bit...to get back my name....what an evocative line that is....our name being so personal a thing...

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Brickbats and bouquets, both are welcome!